I remember that fateful day rather clearly.
A cup of coffee in hand.
My bible and journal on the table before me.
The frustrations of my heart that I couldn't quite put into words.
As a freelance writer, I often started my workday with the Lord. Before I wrote my articles, I needed to write for my heart.
But nothing was coming for some reason. A lack of peace kept me distracted, though I couldn't quite figure out the cause. So I closed my journal and decided that I might as well get to work. No sense wasting time when things gotta get done.
I opened my laptop and got ready to email a client about the articles he needed for the week. And then finally, I felt the Lord speak to my heart very clearly:
"You're going to tell your clients that these are the last assignments you'll be doing for them."
And then I was flooded with peace. I can't explain why; it didn't make any sense. But it felt absolutely right, for no reason other than the fact that I knew this is what God wanted me to do.
So what do I tell him? I'm just done? Do I need an excuse?
"You're going to tell them that you've been hired to work for someone else and you no longer can work for them."
"Jeana, you're writing for Me now —I will be your employer and provider."
And so I quit.
I was filled with a peace I didn't understand.
And filled with more uncertainty than I'd ever known.
It's been about a year and half since my last employment.
And I suppose I thought that when the Lord said I'd be "writing for Him," I'd suddenly have some kind of platform or starting point. Or at least some measly income to add to what my husband makes as a student worker.
But instead, God answered every question I asked Him with this one simple word: wait.
What about a part time job?
Should I work on my own blog?
I thought you said to write —what do you even mean??
And through the tears and uncertainty, the still, small voice of the Lord spoke to me, as if I was a little girl curled up in the lap of her papa.
"You can't know how much I love you when you are your own provider.
For now, I need you to stop.
It's time to rest, to find your pace.
Come and be my daughter, and taste what it is to have enough."
And so I waited.
And over the days and months upon waiting, I tasted the provision from my Father who always provides enough.
Enough to overflow my heart.
So much enoughness, that I don't need to take anything more for myself.
I already have everything because of who my Father is.
I'm only now transitioning out of that season of waiting and into one of movement, with new work and writing opportunities presenting themselves. It feels like a sunrise after a very long night, and it’s exciting and scary all at the same time.
So, it's safe to say that I understand waiting is not only inconvenient —it's often terrifying.
But friend, if you are feeling that tug from God to wait, then let me take you by the hand and tell you that IT WILL BE OKAY.
We live in a world that seeks instant answers and constant security found in things that surely won't last forever.
But even in our forgetfulness, we have a Heavenly Father who waits for us and with us. And in this waiting, He calls you and I into the greatest source of security and understanding we will ever know.
That you belong to Him, and that love cannot be taken away.
"Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken," says your compassionate LORD. - Isaiah 54:10
May you find peace in your waiting, dear friend.